If Santa Got Divorced
Marriage, matrimony, wedlock. These three rare words in the English language describe a falling trend in the United States. While 48% of Boomers have gotten married from age 18 to 32, only 36% and 6% of Generation X and Millennials followed similar paths, respectively. The divorce rate of all three groups are holding firm at about 50%.
Santa Claus was born in 270 AD making him 1,744 years old. Less is known about his wife, Mrs. Claus. She, like her main squeeze, habitually remains under the radar. However, one thing we do know about the couple: their marriage has remained strong now for over 1,700 years. Unfortunately, neither the Mr. or Mrs. Have ever volunteered t o share their secret on lasting love (or “tolerance” as some may claim to be a more important factor when it comes to long term monogamy). Related to this couples unwavering love may be geography. The closest city to the Claus household is Alert, 508 miles away in the Qikiqtaaluk Region, Nunavut, Canada, with a population of 0 to 5 people. Because spousal infidelity is one of the main players in break up and divorce, one could probably surmise that where there are no humans there is no risk of cheating. At least physically. Unless one has a fetish for elves. Of course, if Santa or his Mrs. can pick up a wi-fi signal in the North Pole, emotional infidenlty could potentially develop on any number of various social media sites or apps and lead to equal devastation for either party. Is anyone “swiping” in Iqaluit?
If the mysterious couple did split, the challenges both would meet trying to find a partner would be, let’s just say, unique. Both Santa and his wife would most likely have to move if the separation wasn’t amicable. And the future of Christmas as we know it may take on a much different program. It is unclear how much both Mr. and Mrs. Claus worked together in preparing toys for the cherished Holiday of Christmas other than directing Elves and baking cookies, respectively.
For Santa to get back in the game to date is nothing short of a monumental task. For one, there doesn’t appear to be any other 1,700 year old women in the dating pool. Two, he is overweight, full of gray, and losing his hair.
My first recommendation would be to perform a hair transplantation to restore some youth. Studies indicate that men with hair are perceived as more attractive than their “bald” modified images on visual tests to observers. To avoid a linear scar across the back of the head, NeoGraft hair transplantation will provide the best donor site option. By using .8 to 1 mm punches, follicles can be extracted one by one, segregated appropriately into 1, 2, 3, and 4 hairs per follicle, and implanted along areas that are thinning or bald to provide a new, robust head full of hair that looks natural and is permanent.
Generally, 1,500 follicles up to 4,000 are implanted in one session. And more often than not, only one session is necessary to achieve desired results. While downtime is minimal, Santa should probably wait until after December 25 for the procedure. It is always wise to avoid strenuous activity and hats for 2 weeks or more.
For more on NeoGraft or hair transplantationvisit www.ArtisanHairTransplant.com
Hair growth of the transplanted follicles may occur immediately, but it usually takes up to a year for all the new hairs to grow. This will put Santa at 1,745 years old and ready to enter the scene again as a new bachelor in high demand.